He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
