Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
