happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
