I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
