How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
