You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
And then my night got REAL pukey
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize