this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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