I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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