I seem to have left my pride at pride
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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