Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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