I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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