Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
