I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's shark week go big or go home
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
