I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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