super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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