...so i touched it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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