I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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