The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize