I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
