my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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