Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
