from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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