Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
