White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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