You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
