Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
