I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
