I accidentally had phone sex last night
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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