Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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