I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
