is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
