the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
