WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Everyone says I win the strip club
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
