I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
