ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize