on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
