my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
