My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize