Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
