1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
