i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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