She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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