the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
