: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
