I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
