I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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