I feel great
I just peed on a car
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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