My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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