I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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