If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
