I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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