I want to have your abortion
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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