Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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