Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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