Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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