I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
