Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize