I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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