my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
