Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
