So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
