A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
