I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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