when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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