We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The chlamydia really affected his face.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
