this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
