The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
