Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We got so high we made milksteak
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
