her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
