I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize