none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
