she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
