mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
