I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
