everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
