The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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