We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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