I cut my penus on the lid.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
