Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
