You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
