matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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