i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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