You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize