he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
