I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize