Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
