Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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