just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
