for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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