how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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