Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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