It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
